I have wanted to start a page like this for some time, so I finally decided to make a start:

Welcome to my "
things that fucking irritate me" page!
(Also known as the WTF! Page)

We now also have a FUCKWIT list just added. The internet's not big enough for me to list all the fuckwit's, so only those who are currently of the honors list get listed.
Do you want to be notified when this page gets updated?

Send and email with the words "irritate me" (without the quotes) in the Subject: field to get added to the list. NOTE: Make sure you send the email from the address you wish to be notified on. This is automated.
To remove yourself, send a mail from the same address with "don't irritate me" in the Subject: field and you will be removed. Send your mail to: irritation@sputnik.za.net
Take a quick read at some of the comments I get from readers of this page here.
Bradford Wood - Bigbrother contestant. I don't watch this shit, but since he was evicted, he's been appearing all over the place. Some fool told this idiot that he's a celebrity, and he believes it! And we thought neanderthal was an extinct species, think again. "You can't polish a turd" meaning: You can't take a mongoloid and make him into a celebrity... he'll always be a mongoloid, just no getting away from it.
Phat Joe - Now here's a ponce of note. He seems to think he's entertaining, and worse than that, there are people who agree! This fucker is an insult to broadcasting... he should keep his shit for the radio where it will be useful for at least one thing: constipation relief.
Bobby Skinstad - Oh my fuck! Just take a look at that face... What a dingbat. It must be hard to see where you're going if every time you smile your eye's close. Then again he is a rugby player, and not much more can be said for the caliber of people who enjoy that latent homosexuality fiesta.
Martin Gillingham and Martin Balie - Tie for 4th position. Both appear on Cape Talk Radio. Gillingham seems to think he's a sports commentator. Sounds like he's standing in gale force wind when he talks. Proof that you need to be a brainless pratt to enjoy most sports. Balie, thinks he's funny/witty, but is sadly mistaken, also thinks he's irish and that people appreciate it when he talks in that stupid accent. (Also thinks his brief appearance on 3rd rate game show on TV makes him a celebrity,.. how sad.)
Bette Midler - If you ever want to torture someone, make them listen to this whore for 5 minutes and they'll tell you anything you want to know... Please, for the love of GOD, make sure you never have the misfortune of seeing her try to act. She should stick to "singing", that way she can only insult one industry as a whole. There's no shortage of fuckups in the movie industry as it is...

The idea behind this page is very simple,.. it's a list of the many "pet hate's" that I have, and since I am constantly discovering new one's, I thought it might get interesting to see them in a list.

  • One of the first things that comes to mind is people who have one of their headlights that is blown, and therefore have to drive at night with just one. The part that fucking irritates me is that people seem to think that this gives them the right to put the one remaining headlight on BRIGHT! No!, two normal headlights do *NOT* equal one bright one!

  • How about when you're at the checkout in a store, and the idiot in front of you has just paid for his stuff, handed the cashier his money and his stuff is packed and ready to go. Yet, he (or she) insists on standing there packing away little pieces of paper and CRAP into his wallet/purse etc., while you have to stand behind him waiting for him to fuck off out of the way so that you can have your turn. All this time the cashier sits there staring at the both of you waiting to do his (or her) job. Here's how it should work: As SOON as your change is placed in your hand, you have no more right to stand around like a fuckwit! Move out of the damn way and let other people get their turn! Pack your shit into little packets, bags, sleeves, wallets, moon bags or whatever the fuck else when you have gotten outta the fucking way!

  • While we're on the subject of checkouts, how about people that feel it's necessary to use the express till to pay for their 5 or 6 items, but then they want to pay with a fucking cheque or credit card! (Yes, I know most places say "cash only" at the express till, but this is seldom enforced.) Here's the facts: Nobody gives a *FUCK* that you have a credit card or cheque book, and we know it makes you feel cool to have everyone see you using your cheque book or credit card, but all it really proves it what a fucking idiot you are for wanting write a cheque for R20 worth of goods! Use cash or FUCK OFF please!

  • Why is it that when people say the age of their babies, they feel obliged to say it in months!? Up to 1 year is obvious, but why "one year and five months", or "eighteen months"? Who the fuck cares about how many months anyway. Where is it written that when you reach a certain age you can drop the months and round off to the nearest year..?

  • I was just reminded of this one: How about when you subscribe to a mailing list relating to a topic you have a very specific interest in and people on that list continue to spam the list with there fucking off-topic trivia! Is it too much to ask that when people run out of stuff to say they can't just SHUT UP as opposed to posting messages for the mere sake of it, discussing things that have NO connection to the topic whatsoever. A simple issue as staying ON TOPIC shouldn't be that hard to comprehend...

  • Here's one: When you're watching the news for example, and they'll say something like: "The search for the missing persons will continue.." ...... what the *FUCK* is a "persons"..? ! "Missing Persons" what is that supposed to mean? Is it too much effort to say "Missing people"?
    This may or may not be grammatically correct, but it's still irritating! What's next: one sheep many sheeps... etc. !!!???

  • While we're on the subject of plural misuse, I heard another one similar to this by a local radio DJ names Martin Baily (currently ranking 4th on the absolute total fuckwit list above) who is a total fucking imbecile. He said: " ... pay the money's into the account." Now, what,.... the fuck,.... is money's!???! As far as I am aware, there is NO instance that you can append an "s" to money, not to mention it sounds fucking stupid!
  • The phrase: "I shot him dead"! Well, could you have shot him alive? Sure he may not be dead from the shot, however, why not say: "I wounded him" in that instance...?

  • "The HIV Virus"... What the fuck!? What does HIV stand for? (H)uman (I)mmunodeficiency (V)irus... so therefore you are saying: "The Human Immunodeficiency Virus Virus." That makes no fucking sense.
    How about "I put the CD disk into the drive".... if CD stands for (C)ompact (D)isk, then in effect you are saying: "I put the Compact Disk disk into the drive"... Now that's just fucking stupid!
  • Why chemists are always called <something>KEM! Like if you live near the ocean, your pharmacy will be called "OceanKem" or "BayKem",.. or "IAMAFUCKINGIDIOTKEM"... Kem is supposed to be short for "Chemist", so where is the "K" from? Logically it should be <something>CHEM then shouldn't it? So it's actually a total failure as it doesn't even MAKE SENCE!

  • People who ask you how you are, when they really couldn't give a rat's ass about how you REALLY are. "Hi, how are you?", "Well, now that you ask, I have a pain in my left toe from kicking the cat last night. Oh, and I get this strange ache in my back when... etc." If you don't really want to know, then don't fucking ask!

  • People who feel the need to attach a list of their "qualifications" to the bottom of their emails. i.e."John Smith - MCSE, BA, A+" Or even WORSE, people who want to do this, yet have no qualifications worth mentioning, so they "invent" verbal equivalents, i.e."John Smith - PC Expert, Computer Security Expert etc."
    In the first place, who gives a fuck, and in the second, why do you feel the need to try to impress everyone with your (meaningless) qualifications? You only "immortalize your own ignorance.." (-Walkyier)
  • When software have a "progress bar" type of thing while performing a task, then when they get to 100%, they just sit there on 100% (even though each 10% increment along the way only took 5 secs). You then sit there looking at the FULL bar at 100% for a repeat duration of the time it took to get to 100% in the first place!!! 100% means FINISHED! The bar should disappear and let you move on! If it's not finished with whatever it's doing, then it should display something OTHER than 100%, indicating that it is still "on it's way to completion"... (For fucks sake!)

  • People (usually this applies to women) who when they smile, reveal an equal length of gums as visible teeth. You should not be able to see VAST amounts of pink gums glaring at you when someone smiles,.. this is just plain disgusting. If you can't smile without this horror show, then don't smile, or at least not at me!
  • (This had to come up eventually).. Smokers: People can have whatever filthy habits they want, as long as it doesn't have to effect other people. If I have to smell your stinking smoke, rotten breath, and general unpleasant stench, then that's a problem. Smoking is a weakness! You smoke because you are weak! You can't stop smoking because you are weak! I can't tolerate weakness in people, it makes me sick. Have your weakness, but don't let it effect me.

  • People who pronounce "envelope" with an "O", i.e."ONvelope"!!!! People who pronounce the word "Medicine" without the "i", ie "Med-sin" and of course people who say: "Pleece" instead of "Police"! If you can't speak your own language properly, then you should shut your fucking mouth. You merely advertise to the world that you are a fucking idiot without the simplest grasp of the most fundamental skill: communication!

  • People who think that Jihad means "Holy War". Before you insult other religions with your ignorance, why not take a few minutes to find out what you are talking about first! (if you are REALLY interested in what Jihad means, ask a true Muslim, search the net, or click here.)
  • People who automatically assume you are interested in sports and sports results. Sharing the latest rugby or cricket score with me, only irritates me as I have no desire to associate myself with any group of mindless idiots trying to prove their dominance over another group of mindless idiots all in the name of "sport". There is no denying that most sports require HUGE amounts of skill, but being skilled doesn't make you exempt from being a boring stereotype. Take ballet for example... (granted this isn't a sport), a male who does ballet needs to be incredibly fit/strong yes, agreed! But does this mean that he's exempt from being a raging ass-bandit? I have to question ANY male's morals if he has the desire to partake in something like this... Same goes for women bodybuilders etc.
  • Women/female "rock stars". Yes, there are many VERY talented female musicians out there, but trust me, a woman brandishing a guitar, complete with snarl and torn jeans just looks fucking stupid! Most males seem to think this is "sexy", but I think if a male finds a female who is trying to look/behave like a man attractive, it may be a subconscious (or very conscious) sign of latent homosexuality...
    The worst of *ALL* are female drummers, (particularly if they play rock/aggressive music), they just look like fucking total idiots. Just face it, it just doesn't work! (I agree there are many AMAZING female drummers, but again, your skill doesn't exempt you from looking like a absolute dildo behind an instrument!)
  • I was just reminded of this one: Have you seen, walking through bookstores, you see some Bibles have printed on them "The Holy Bible" WTF is a HOLY Bible??? Surely ALL Bibles, in fact all books from God in all cultures for all faiths are considered holy, so what if I go to the salesperson and say I want to
    know how much they will charge me for an unholy Bible? So STOP calling it a HOLY Bible. For fucks
    sakes it's a Bible full stop.
  • And another one: Have you noticed on some forms that you fill in they have printed: Prove of positive ID will be required. "Uhm, sorry sir but I only have a negative ID. Will that be OK?" Can't they just say prove of YOUR ID will be required. Surely they don't think you're gonna rock up there to collect what ever and show them your next door neighbors ID!! WTF!
  • "New and Improved" - WTF does that mean!? If it's new, that means it was just created, but in order for it to have been improved upon, it would have to have existed already and therefore not new! So what is it? Is it New *OR* is it Improved!!!!?
  • "You will get something for free" - for fucks sake, it's either "FOR Nothing" or it's "Free", please make up your fucking mind. It's not goddamn"FOR FREE" !!!
  • Now this may seem irrational (do I care?!), but people who do fucking stretching exercises on the beach. ie placing their foot on a bench or something and so these stupid stretching exercises, all the while looking around at normal people walking past as if they're not doing anything unusual and cannot understand why they're being looked/stared/laughed at. If you feel COMPELLED to do exercise in public, please do your warm-up shit somewhere else where I don't have to see you behaving like a pratt.

  • When someone tells you a story of where they found something while walking in a forest-like place it is something like: ".....and while I was walking I saw this object laying behind the tree and..." stop right there!! How do you KNOW it was BEHIND the tree?? Just because the object was lying at the side opposite to where you were walking/whatever doesn't mean you are looking at the front-end of the tree and now you are walking to the balk end of the tree!! example: If I draw you a circle on a piece of paper, how do you know which side is front and which side is back? The object was on the opposite side of the tree from where I was standing!
  • Now this really fucks me off: Why THE FUCK do they advertise channels/radio stations *ON* that channel/station!?? Obviously you're already watching or listening to it in order to see the fucking ad!! A prime example for this is satellite tv (dstv), take Discovery Channel for example, while you are watching, they interrupt the show every 15mins to show you an ad for <wait for it..> Discovery Channel! Fuckit people, I am *ALREADY WATCHING* so why are you spamming me with this shit to get me to watch!!!!
  • Why the fuck do people point to their wrist when they ask you for the time? Don't you think I know where my watch is? I wear my watch on my RIGHT arm anyway, thus making your pointing gesture even more useless as I won't find a watch there ANYWAY! Do you point to your crotch when you ask someone where the toilet is? WTF?
  • Why will people will get up and spend ages searching a room for the remote control, but will not get up off their ass to just change the channel or whatever else they need a remote control for.
  • People who say stupid shit like: "You want to have your cake and eat it" Now what the fuck does that mean? Is there any point to having cake at all if the ultimate goal is not to eat it eventually!? Or "that's always the last place you look" - well obviously it is!! if it was the first place you looked, why would I keep on looking?!!!
  • How about people who say: "Can I ask you a question?" Now what the FUCK is that? "Jeez, I am so happy you checked with me first, you know how I hate FUCKING QUESTIONS!!!!!!"
  • If you're watching a movie and someone says: "did you see that?" erm, no actually I managed to somehow miss it, even though I paid to sit here and watch it on this huge motherfucking screen!
  • How about the saying: "life is too short"... too short for what? Life is the longest fucking thing you can ever do! What can you do that's longer? !!!! Or fuckers that come to you at a bus stop and ask you "has the bus come yet?" erm, yes it came, and I just stood here admiring the pretty wheels, then let it go on it's merry way.. fuckwit!!
  • People who are too fucking lazy to speak! Yes, I kid you not. People will say "plett" instead of "Plettenberg Bay" or "bloem" instead of Bloemfontein (these are South African towns for all confused foreigners reading this). Is it really too much trouble to say the full name? Is it going to inconvenience you beyond a tolerable level to just go ahead and mouth those couple of extra syllables.
  • I was just reminded: Cinemas! Now this REALLY irritates me! firstly there's the queue's, then the ridiculous price, then finally you get to your seat hoping to enjoy the movie in peace, but no, there has to be some fucking idiot behind you and next to you eating his popcorn FROM THE BOTTOM of the box to the top, slurping a drink. Then to top it off people feel they need to take of their shoes, allowing their rotting foot odor to waft around you, then the pricks behind you HAVE to put their feet against your chair, rocking you back and forth every few min's as they shuffle around to get more comfortable. Then the cherry on top is you have to endure fucking ADS!! at a movie you are PAYING (way too much) to see. Add to this the chattering, whispering "did you see that?" <see above> and of course the ceremonial cell phone ringing followed by a hearty roar of laughter from all the dutchmen in the audience and of course all the people that will laugh at ABSOLUTELY nothing at all. What a great way to spend a few hours!
  • Now this is a classic: People who come to this page, read it, and then COMPLAIN that they were offended by the content! (I kid you not) If you don't like this shit I am saying, then WHY ARE YOU READING IT!!!? This is like a vegetarian going to a steakhouse, ordering 2 T-bones, eating both, then complaining to the manager that the meat tasted horrible. I mean WHAT THE FUCK!? Then to top it all off, they prove beyond all shadow of a doubt how truly clueless they are by proudly admitting that they really believe that Jihad means "Holy War"... <again, see above> then try to convince me I am wrong because I know better.. ha ha! The height of ignorance has got to be being ignorant, and ADVERTISING IT!
  • I heard on the radio today (seems I heat a lot of fucking irritating shit on the radio?? Hmmm), anyway, I heard a story about some fool who killed his wife and kids with an axe. They put it like this: "The accused axed his wife and children to death."
    Now, WTF is "AXED". Axe is an object, or a noun, how can a noun be used as an adjective? If someone gets hit by a car, do we say "He was carred to death"..?!! Or if he was killed by a being beaten with a baseball bat, we say "He was baseball batted to death.." (Hopefully he was a fag, but anyway.)
    The point it is a stupid fucking thing to say...

  • When people (specifically news readers) say things like: "Today, the president of the United States, Mr George Bush said... blah blah" Is there anyone who DOESN'T KNOW who the fucking president of the USA is? And if you are such a person, then this news will be of no interest to you ANYWAY, so can we not have EITHER the title OR the name. If neither means anything to you, then what have you missed out on anyway!? OHHHHhhh, you mean THAT president of the USA... I was confusing you with the OTHER president of the USA.
  • I heard on the radio today (seems I heat a lot of fucking irritating shit on the radio?? Hmmm), anyway, I heard a story about some fool who killed his wife and kids with an axe. They put it like this: "The accused axed his wife and children to death."
    Now, WTF is "AXED". Axe is an object, or a noun, how can a noun be used as an adjective? If someone gets hit by a car, do we say "He was carred to death"..?!! Or if he was killed by a being beaten with a baseball bat, we say "He was baseball batted to death.." (Hopefully he was a fag, but anyway..)
    The point it is a stupid fucking thing to say...

  • Thanks to a good friend, I was reminded of this one: When you are surfing the net, happily away, and listening to your favorite mp3's in the background. Then suddenly you get *BLASTED* by some stupid fucks website-music! Jesus! These people should be BANNED from the internet. Whoever allowed web pages to play music should be shot (or worse, made to watch big brother!). To make matters WORSE, midi-music just fucking sux, no getting around it. And 99% of these sites don't even have an option on the page to let you TURN OFF THE FUCKING MUSIC!
    Then there are the fuckers that go TOTALLY OVERKILL on the animated images! This just adds to the all-round unpleasant experience of being blasted with the suicide-music! If you want to see an example of a site like this, then take a look at this link that my friend supplied. (Subject to go down at any time.)
    If you have hacker skills, do the world a favor and kill this website... The internet will be a better place.
    (More room for opinionated people like myself in other words...)

  • People who use programs without spell checkers! Just what does "SENCE" mean anyway? It's spelled sense.
  • Since we're on the subject of stupid things, how about people who share an email address?! I mean what the FUCK!? Ever receive a message from uncle Jack, but in your inbox, the sender appears as: "From: The Jackson's Family"..!?
    So, did the whole family sit around the computer and take turns typing alternate words to compose the message? No, I don't think so! The message was sent by ONE person, not a fucking little clan.
    From: Frank, Stacy and Molly.. oh, and the Dogs Bob and George, and the Goldfish called Simon...

  • Now this is a classic: When people say something like: "I did that when I was one years old." - I mean what _THE FUCK_..? "one years" ???!!! Or how about: "It only cost one cents." No people, are you familiar with the concept of singular/plural? It's one CENT and one YEAR. Say it with me now, "S-I-N-G-U-L-A-R!"